Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this beer tastes like vomit already
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
