so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
