I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
