marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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