My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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