Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
