I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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