No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
