you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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