oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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