no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
