dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
