Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
