First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
