He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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