just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
