so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
