Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
