i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
