I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
