You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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