no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
