at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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