So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
