This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
