I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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