shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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