I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
