I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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