I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
