I should be sponsored by Trojan
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
