My hair reeks of homosexuality.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Damn victory sex feels great
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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