dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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