If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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