My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
