drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
