Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
