i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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