a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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