just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
