Your mouth is God's brothel.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
