smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
