my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
