Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
