even my farts smell like vagina
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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