I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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