so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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