Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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