nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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