Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My legs feel like baby dolphins
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
