exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
