I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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