This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
